The Way to myself - стр. 5
I continued supporting the “system” as a habit, but I didn’t understand why we need these plans, coordination chains, multilayer departments, and tons of reports. I didn’t even look through them!
Multiple instructions, internal orders and regulations, made a group of adherents turn into a bunch of obedient doers. Releasing the staff from their responsibilities regarding “what” and “how” they should do their jobs, I fully put all of them on myself.
At the same time, the flywheel of bureaucracy was moving faster, and the net expanded. 30, 40, and later 60 companies in 10 regions of the country. I stopped visiting the restaurants’ openings and started living my own life, while the business lived its own. I didn’t see our clients and guests, but only my managers’ reports. I became a little part of a huge managerial machine, and I didn’t own the business any more – it owned me. Moreover, the service quality and profitability were decreasing.
Once I went into one of our restaurants as a common visitor and sat at a table counting on a waiter to come. By the way, he was close by, but he didn’t hurry at all. Then I came to him asking: “Why don’t you serve me?” The answer was brief: “That’s not my table”.
At that very moment I understood, what my business had turned into. Our employees, who used to be part of a close-knit highly qualified team before, didn’t care anymore about whether or not our clients were served well. That young man didn’t see me as a guest, but just as a part of the interior, which he categorized as “my table – not my table”.
THAT WAS THE MOMENT WHEN I FIRST THOUGHT THAT AFTER BECOMING A SLAVE OF THE MACHINE I HAD MADE MYSELF, I STOPPED LOVING – PEOPLE, BUSINESS, AND THE WORLD.
That’s when I felt that I was losing myself. Just like a hamster, which eternally spins its wheel and can never get off. If at one time I saw the business as a source of joy, inspiration and energy, now it was just making me desolate.
Why?
The huge effort put into the business, brought nothing but exhaustion. Everything I did lost its liveliness, leaving pure mechanics.
Year by year, my life looked wealthier, and I had more opportunities to enjoy it. However, I felt worse and worse emotionally. Meeting friends and experiencing some lighter emotions, which can be bought for money, helped me avoid depression.
However, the tiredness was accumulated, while joy and love gradually went away. One day I understood that I’d lost the easygoing spirit which was natural to me. The deal I had didn’t cheer me up. The weariness of life reached the peak, and I wanted nothing: no business, no money, no love, no new ideas or projects…
Nothing I possessed encouraged me to feel the passion and the taste for life. I had to always seek for – and come up with some new sources of joy, inspiration, and reasons to live.
I STARTED ASKING MYSELF: WHO AM I AT ALL? WHY DOES THE WORLD NEED ME? DOES IT ACTUALLY NEED ME, AND DO I NEED IT? WHY WAS I BORN AND WHAT SHOULD I DO? I DIDN’T HAVE ANY ANSWERS, BUT I HAD A FEELING THAT I COULDN’T LIVE THE WAY I DID ANYMORE.
So, I found a way to change everything. “I guess, I should get married! I’ll get married and everything will improve. A family will fill my life with new meaning, and change its quality. I will settle down, calm down, and I will feel better”.