Two for tragedy. Volume 1 - стр. 35

"I'm getting a little lazy and thinking about that mortal too much!" – I thought to myself irritably. I was angry with myself and with Viper because she had been on my mind ever since I'd first met her. I could suppress them, block them out, but they still found tricks and secret passages in my mind and broke free. Never in my long life had I thought of mortals at all – they were of no interest to me. Their mundane short lives taught them nothing, and I was sure that all mortals were stupid and ignorant. And I had never thought about a woman for so long. Much less a mortal. Mentally tracing my life's journey and remembering my temporary admiration and brief attraction to one of the vampires that was so much prettier, smarter, more perfect than Viper, I chuckled derisively, laughing at myself and my obsession with some mortal.

Where the hell had my morbid interest in this girl come from? Unhealthy, because I'd only ever thought of humans as a source of food before. And I certainly didn't care what impression I might make on them, whether I hurt them, frightened them, made them hate me and think I was a son of a bitch. The predator sees no beauty in his prey, except that he will soon satisfy his hunger with it.

So what's wrong with me? Am I destructive? Is that why I'm attracted to Viper? What do I do if that's really the case? What if my infatuation with this mortal turns into something more? Then I'll be finished. We only fall in love once. For life. We are either eternally happy, or we give our passion in vain, living in the agony of unrequited love, unable to cure our heart with another love, because it will be given to only one life for the rest of our lives.

No, I will not go to that extreme and love a mortal. It would be impossible. The torment of love is not my lot.

So what do I do? What do I do to get the image of Viper out of my mind? How do I get rid of these conflicting feelings for a predator? There's something strange going on in my soul. But what? There's no name for it. You can't go any further, you can't enjoy the company of a mortal. You cannot allow yourself to think of her, allow yourself to savour her beauty, and her voice. Her existence. She is nothing but a food source… Damn, it's so easy to say all this! However, I haven't even tried to carry out my own plans to banish Viper from my head and force my own thoughts into submission. I'm sure I'll have the willpower to give her up later, in case I feel like I'm infatuated with Viper beyond measure. I will simply forget about her and erase her image, but until that moment of collapse comes, I will try to understand these feelings, to comprehend this mystery, to try to solve the riddle of this mortal.

It will be a kind of experiment for me to find out how strong I am and how much my mind obeys me. Just seeing Viper. Just talking to her, hearing her voice, and looking into her bright dark eyes that always held a slight sadness and some reticence. I felt there was something beautiful behind that barrier, something that could only be unravelled when I succeeded in destroying that wall.

Viper's soul is like a pearl languishing in a hard shell at the bottom of an ocean trough.

Cedric Morgan's behaviour discouraged me. Well, how could one understand this strange guy? One minute he is insulting, the next he is apologising! Then he is cold and angry, calling me a coward, accusing me of cowardice, and suddenly he seeks to meet me! He even apologised twice, and, as if to make amends for his rudeness, shared something very personal with me. When Cédric talked about Charles Baudelaire, I felt a kindred spirit in him. I was inexpressibly pleased by Morgan's reasoning, for I had reasoned the same way myself. He put into words what I felt when I read the gloomy works of this great French poet.