The Way to myself - стр. 12

The teacher said that the main thing is to clean up your mind and body continuously. That’s what I started doing right after coming back from India. I totally changed my schedule: started waking up at 5 or 6 o’clock in the morning, did yoga, meditated, spent 3–4 hours a day doing breath practices, improved my ability to hold my breath for a long time. After about a month, I could hold my breath for 4 minutes at first, and for more than 5 minutes later on.

Thanks to active and consistent practicing and meditation, I got more and more inner freedom and calmness. My happiness seemed to be multiplying day by day. There were many big and small changes in my life. I started making decisions that were unusual for me, did unusual actions, thought in a different way.

I was cleansing my mind, changed my lifestyle, habits, and food. I tried to help people more, cared about my thoughts, feelings and behavior. I studied the ways my Ego showed itself, and tried to find new, purer and deeper, ways to live in peace and build relationships with other people.

Watching myself, I looked carefully at each and every negative feeling, every action or decision which might cause a passionate reaction, or anger, criticism, or pain. I started judging myself more fairly. If I am everything I do, why would I be unfair with myself? Why should I create an illusion of being a person I am not?

THE MORE I WORKED ON MYSELF, THE MORE CALMNESS, INNER FREEDOM, AND JOY I FELT.

Even a small change in any sphere of my life – food, yoga exercises, meditation, or watching myself – brought joy, and filled me up with energy, giving me more power.

I became freer: from business, from former habits, from the effect of the internet and television. I was getting rid of my outer ties, and gathering my inner freedom rapidly. I felt good just being. To feel happy, I didn’t need to drink alcohol, seek entertainment, or listen to funny stories, starving for joy… It was so inspiring that I couldn’t turn out off this way and stop. I felt the taste of another life!

My personal and professional relationships were far from ideal, though. By that time, I had already left my former thoughts about both: business and family, but I didn’t know how to put my life together. Only one thing was absolutely clear: I didn’t want to go back to the past.

For the first time after long years of soul-searching, I was inspired by my life and encouraged by everything surrounding me as well as by everything I felt inside. I allowed myself everything I couldn’t even dream about before: I began playing music, painting, studying new practices, watching what was happening around and what other people do during their search.

Everything turned out to be interesting for me! At the same time, I continued travelling to India and taking part in events organized by Pilot Babagi. I was deepening my understanding of myself.

I UNDERSTOOD: EVERYTHING I NEED IS ALREADY INSIDE ME. WEARINESS, DISAPPOINTMENT, ANXIOUSNESS AND SOUL-SEARCHING GAVE WAY TO INNER FEELINGS OF FULFILMENT.

Though, there was another side of the coin as well: the happier I felt, the less others could understand me. And those closest to me – first. My parents asked me the same questions again and again: “Andrey, what’s happening with you? What are you doing? Are you in a cult?!”