The Mist and the Lightning. Part II - стр. 18

"Gods damn your square," Squint-Eye growled, "my whole life went to hell because I had bad luck to be born in your territory! Where is everyone who helped you to assert your power? Where are they? Long rotting in your castle cemetery! I want to join them. If you can't kill me, tell Lis."

"No," Orel shook his head.

"Then him," Squint-Eye pointed at Nikto.

"Maybe, her?" Lis looked at Asa, then at Squint-Eye.

"Fuck you! Do you want to humiliate me even when killing!" Squint-Eye screamed.

"No one is going to kill you," Orel said. "Forget about it and try to pull yourself together. I'll talk to Nik, maybe, he will care to help you, and you'll quit that shit."

"Nik?" Squint-Eye smiled. "What a beautiful name he has now, I would never think Nikto and Nik is the same."

"Shut up," there were steely notes in Orel's voice.

"I don't want him to help me," Squint-Eye said, "I don't want anyone to help me!"

"You will try to get up yourself, right?" Orel asked. "You will try hard."

"No, I don't want to, I don't see any sense in it," Squint-Eye cracked his knuckles nervously. "Do you see any sense in this endless war? Tell me!"

"Sense?" Orel thought for a moment. "I like it, I like fighting. I enjoy it, I can't imagine my life without war, without risk. Why should I look for sense in enjoyment? I entertain myself, so, the rest doesn't matter."

Squint-Eye shook his head.

"No, it's not an answer. I could have accepted such an answer from Tol but not from you. I wouldn't even ask Tol, it is clear about him. But you, Arel, I expected a different answer, I thought you were smarter."

"Do you hear?" Lis asked. "He thinks you're a fool."

"Fine," Orel said in irritation, "don't add fuel to the fire. I would like to punish Squint-Eye but I see it won't change anything – he punishes himself, and cruelly. Bert, promise me you'll stop abusing yourself, stop mutilating your body and raping your mind. It's enough. I beg you, stop killing yourself!"

Squint-Eye didn't answer.

"Fine, if you're tired of everything and you want to die, do it with dignity! Like a warrior! Not like a street wench. Die fighting! For us to bury you with honor." Orel paused. "At night we'll start attacking and you will have a chance to make your wish come true," he said at last, got up and walked away from Squint-Eye.

Squint-Eye stayed sitting on the floor; he leaned against the massive leg of the table tiredly. His hair, cut in an ugly way, hung pathetically framing his pale face; in the front thick black strands reached only to his chin now. He shook his head, touched the remnants of his previously gorgeous long hair.

"You regret your hair," Orel noticed his gesture. "How could you disfigure yourself like that?"

"I'm sick," Squint-Eye said quietly. "Orel, I'm so sick."

"You need to restore yourself, not to destroy," Orel poured some wine. "Go to your room and stay in bed. We're going without you now."

Squint-Eye looked at him frightened.

"Hey, don't look at me like this! Don't try anything stupid, clear?"

"We cannot leave him like that," Lis said. "He'll stay alone and who knows what'll come to his mind. He'll start cutting himself again."

"What do you suggest?" Orel lit another cigarette.

"I think we should tie him to the leg of the table and Asa will look after him until we come back."