My Ice Prince - стр. 53
After that day, we didn't see each other for over a month.
I didn't want to impose my society on Misha, because I understood perfectly well that she was determined against me and communication with me. Well, one problem less.
***
An exciting, painful October had passed, and a surprisingly mild, sunny November had arrived, which was a great surprise for Oxford: I loved the sunshine, but I knew that the English weather was rather monotonous and rainy.
I had been living with Mary for over a month now, away from my parents: in the intervening time I had received a few more «humanitarian aid» from them, still eating the same meals at night, in the darkness of the kitchen, while Mary slept. One time she took me by surprise, but fortunately not for another blood draw: I was bored in the middle of the night and went into the kitchen to read Chateaubriand, when a sleepy Mary appeared before me. She was very surprised that I was reading in the dark, but I found myself saying that I had terrible insomnia and that the lantern light was good for reading. Mary yawned and went to bed.
As for the tomatoes and cucumbers, I would buy them and, under the guise of eating them, give them to the homeless shelter while Mary was at work. This system of innocent deception worked like clockwork, and my neighbor was satisfied that I wasn't starving.
The big man with the slicked-back hair kept pestering me with vanilla phrases and florid compliments, boasting of his family lineage (he said he was a distant relative of the royal family), but I only pushed him away with a sneer: he annoyed me, thinking I would fall at his feet, falling madly in love with him. He was a tedious type – self-righteous and narcissistic.
Everything was smooth in my studies: having met the tutors, I found strong support, and I was interested in doing their assignments. I enjoyed studying. I even enrolled in a theology class, but it didn't go any further than that. I was offered to join a sports team, but I wasn't ready for that, and I couldn't risk people's lives: the first time I played squash with Ellie, I almost broke her nose because I hit the ball so hard, and when Mary and I played badminton in the park, she kept complaining that I hit it too far, like a man. But I couldn't do it any other way: I didn't know how to control my physical strength.
It was a bright, sunny, almost cloudless day, and Mary and I went to the park to feed the swans swimming in the Thames, taking a large blanket with us to bask in the sun. After feeding the swans, we went out to the middle of the lawn, spread out the blanket, lay on it, and looked up at the sky, squinting at the sunlight. I had never felt so good as I did now: I was lying in the sun, next to my friend, we were silent and just enjoying this moment. I wanted so badly to feel the warmth of the sun and bask under it, but I could only watch it shining high in the sky. I was sad at the thought that in twenty years I would have to hide from the sweet sun, and that I would never be able to lay like that again and look at it.
«Will it really be like this? Will I turn into a monster like my mom and sisters?» – I thought wistfully.
But it was all so far away and unreal that I just couldn't believe that the day would come when I would hate the sun and it would hate me.